She was pure as snow, but she drifted...

Here is my pretty Christmas tree in my apartment. I got it on sale, pre-lit...I love it!

It's snowing again...

It really is pretty when it snows. It wasn't as bad as they had said last night. They said it was going to snow all day and into tonight. It didn't start snowing until a couple hours ago and it's suppose to end at 6:00. By my apartment, it's rather hard to see just how much we have gotten this winter. The snow drifts so bad because of the wind around here. It piles up on the sidewalk right in front of our door and then there is grass in the yard right next to the sidewalk. So you can't really tell how much we've gotten. Fr instance, it's piled up about four feet high by the apartment next to us but the pond has a couple inches on it. Ohh well, let is snow!

Merry Christmas!

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas with family and friends or whoever or where ever you happen to spend the day. Mine was great and was spent with a crazy bunch of aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. My little cousins are getting bigger (8, 4, 3, 2, 2) and they had a blast opening presents now. This year they started to get the hang of opening the presents and playing with the toys. Last year they didn't really understand what was going on. My God daughter had such expressions on her face when she opened her presents. Especially when it came to the brown boots she got, and the pink slippers with fur on them. She loved it and wore them around all day! It was a great day and it came and went fast! But, next year will be here before you know it.

I haven't been doing much since I lost the ol' job. I've been applying to jobs but I have yet to get any call back or anything. There are so many people who are looking for jobs now it's nuts. Hopefully something will come along soon, all you can do is apply and keep looking.

This winter sure had been a crazy one! 42.3 inches so far for December! So glad I'm not shoveling and having to clean the drive or the sidewalk. Just think, we still have like 4 more months of this too. It really did look pretty after this past snowfall though. The snow was heavier so it stuck to the trees and looked so nice. Just like a postcard, I'll have to try to get some pictures of it.

Not sure what I'm doing for New Years yet but hopefully it will be a good time! Have fun everyone! Welcome 2009!

a great weekend in the books....

This weekend I went to MKE to visit with the college roommates and have our 6th annual Christmas party. It is just crazy to me to think that we have known each other for 6 years and I am more comfortable with them then I am with some of my friends I've known since high school! Every time I'm with them we have a great time. It's so hard to be away from them when I'm back home but I just can't bring myself to go back to MKE to live. I love the girls, and most of the time the city, as well as all the things to do down there but I just don't want to go back to living in the city. I kind of want to have my cake and eat it too I guess. I love the city and all it offers, but give me a country field with a sunset anytime.

Anyways, the party was great. It was so good to see all the girls again and be able to hear about the married lives and dating lives of all of them. It's going to be interesting to see where we are in the next couple years, and to see when we have to start having babysitters incorporated in the parties for all the babies they're gonna pop out! ha ha As I said, we always have fun and this weekend was no different. We drank too much Brandy Slush and wine, and ate way too much food but we got to catch up and thats the best! Now it's off to another week of unemployment and sitting around. Gosh this stinks but what can you do? I didn't think I'd be here but then again, I never have predicted anything right so far so why change now!

Only a little over a week until Christmas! Maybe tomorrow I can get my Christmas shopping done! Not much left, it will be nice to get it all over with! Take care all!

Snow.

It called for snow and dang it if they weren't right! We got about 8 inches I'd say, not as much as they called for but a good amount. It's hard to tell here at the apartment because it drifts so bad across the fields and the pond. It's piled against my patio door but over by the post on the patio I can see cement. So as you can imagine, it's hard to tell how much is on the ground really. I love snow and I enjoyed watching it fall all evening and night last night.

However, I was not happy at 3:23 am when I was woken up by VVVVRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!! The apartment snow removers were hard at work, 4 feet from my bedroom window. I rolled out of bed and poked through the blinds to see 4 men working their hearts out. It was kind of creepy though, they were so bundled up I couldn't see anything but eyes. One was snow blowing, two were shoveling, and another was using a bobcat to remove snow from the parking lot. I let out what could be considered a death growl and crawled back under the covers to try to go back to sleep. I must have because I work up this morning at about 9:30. They did a good job but remember, it drifts and this morning when the UPS man came I had to lean on the door to try to get it through the six inches of snow that drifted against it already. Well, so much for hard work!

It's starting to come together

Hey All! My goodness gracious is it windy here tonight! I went outside to go move my car into the garage (I had every intention of going to work out but well, I fell asleep on the couch instead) and I thought my ears were going to freeze and blow off my head! Gosh, I hope we don't have another winter like last year. I like snow and stuff but that much snow is just too much. At least we'll have snow for Christmas!

I had a revelation the other day...I guess you could call it that. I decided that my problem is that I always worry about what others think of me. Like what others think of my occupation mainly and other things but I decided I just can't do that to myself anymore. I need to try things that people might not think are right or 'prestigious' and just try things to find out what I want. What if my true happy life is in Idaho, I don't know but not here. This is my chance to find that out and I took the first step and applied to volunteer at a school in Kentucky. Its only 3 months and I feel like anybody can do anything for three months. Look how fast three months goes when you're working or on vacation especially. This will allow me to see the states and pick a home. I might end up here but at least I can say I went other places and found here was my 'home.'

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was great and we had fun. It seems like we always do on holidays! Now I'm getting all ready for Christmas. I'm doing pretty well on getting everyone their gifts and I hope to be done this weekend or early next week! Until next time, stay warm!!

First Day

Today was a lazy, lazy day. I didn't get up until like 10:30 which I haven't slept that late since I don't know when. Well other then when I get home at like 3:30-4:00 in the morning. I did some job searching, cleaned a little, made out a grocery list, got a couple things off my to-do list. It was a productive day I think.

For the rest of the week; get my hair done, meet to with my new health insurance company, go to dinner with some friends and thats about it! I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving since I'm pretty sure it's my second favorite holiday. Labor day being the first, and yup, Thanksgiving is second. I'm looking forward to Black Friday to go shopping with the family. Yes we're four of those crazy ladies who get up when it's pitch black, before all you hunters even, and go buy tons of presents. We've been doing it for years and I look forward to it every time it comes around!

Have a great week everyone!!

A twisted turn of fate...

I dreamed of it...it was the thing I worked for. I couldn't have been happier or more proud when I was the chosen one to receive the acceptance letter. And then Wednesday it all came to an end. I was released from my job that day. The job I thought was my dream let me fall to the roadside, crumbled and discouraged. It was one of those surreal experiences. As it was happening I just didn't know what to do. I wanted to prove all the work to her that I had done that she said I hadn't done. The goals she said I had not met that I had. It's crushing feeling to have someone tell you that you're not good enough, that your not right when you thought you were.

I'm trying to be positive and I'm fine now. More then the job I'll miss the people. I met so many great people and I'll miss seeing them every week. It's almost a "be careful what you wish for" situation. I have been battling back and forth in my mind for months on what my life holds for me. I've said, "What if what I've built here isn't as good as what's out there? But what if what's out there isn't as good as what I've built here?" Now I guess God's giving me my chance to find out. I had this job so I wasn't able to go out and explore out there and I wanted to so badly. Now that I can, I'm rather overwhelmed and scared to death! Where do I start? There's so many things that are holding me here that I love, yet what if I will love it more out there? What if my real life is in Montana or West Virginia, or Alabama!?! It's crazy to think that I really could go anywhere and nothing is stopping me. Maybe this is a good thing to be let go from my job and this is the start of my life.....maybe it starts tomorrow....

What's your stress level at work?....

I went to the chiropractor today for the first time ever. One of the questions on the first timer forms you have to fill out is your stress level at work and your personal stress level. I put my stress level at work a 6, even though at times it's more like a 9. I enjoy work usually, it's when everyone else is in a bad mood that I hate it. Today, was one of those days.

I got this email about a rental that my boss did for a local school. The guy was suppose to call one of the crew workers to set up a pick up time. But that crew worker was gone for a week and when he got into work today, he told me about the rental and suggested that I call the guy to set up a time. I decided I didn't have time to do that and why should I considering that it isn't my rental and I don't know the guy. IN the email she sent to the guy who rented the equipment, it said to contact her assistant to set up a time if she couldn't get a hold of the crew member. So I give her assistant the number and then a little while later I get an email saying that I passed the buck and I shouldn't have passed the name and number to her assistant because everyone is busy and they don't have time to do this and that I need to take initiative and do things when they arise. Also that it's my departments job to handle rentals.

Ok I can find a lot of things wrong with this email from her. First she scheduled the rental and knows the guy, why is it all of a sudden my responsiblity to schedule it after she does? If rentals are my job, why not let me book it? Second, I love how she said everyone is busy and doesn't have time to do it so why don't I. Ohh so I am just sitting around with my thumb up my butt? That's right, I don't have anything to do so I'll handle everything that you 'don't have time to do.' Third, she told the guy in the email to contact her assistant, so when I give her assistant the message from the guy, I'm passing the buck? I just get so pissed with her! She says we need to help one another and yada yada, but when we needed help with something she sat back in her queen chair and stuck her nose up at us and wouldn't lift a finger to help us! It's a lot of double talking at this place I found out pretty quickly.

So other then that, I'm ready for the weekend! I was having a pretty good week too. It was going fast which is always nice! Now tomorrow I'm sure is going to drag on like no other! I have a follow up appt. with the chiropractor tomorrow to go over my x-rays of my spine. It will be interesting to see what is going on back there! ha ha, get it, back there! Alright so hopefully he can get this tension out of my right shoulder, which I would love to use to help my fist punch some people in the face.

Is it Friday at 5:00 yet?

Four Walls

These four walls
They whisper to me
They know secrets
I knew they would not keep

It didn't take long
For the room to fill with dust
And these four walls
Came down around us

Must have been something
to send me out of my head
With the words so radical
and not what I meant
Now I wait
For a breakin the silence cuz it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again

It's hard now to let you be
I won't make excuses
I've made my peace
It didn't take long
For me to lose the trust
Cause these four walls
Were not strong enough

It must have been something
to send me out of my head
With the words so radical
and not what I meant
Now I wait
For a breakin the silence
cuz it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again

Yeah It's difficult
Watching us fade
Knowing it's all my fault
For my mistake
Yeah, it's difficult
Letting you down
Knowing it's all my fault
That you're not around

It must have been something
to send me out of my head
With the words so radical
and not what I meant
Now I wait
For a breakin the silence
cuz it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again
Again

Finally.....

After a very stressful week, my first show is in the books!! I'm not sure on the exact numbers of how it went but personally I'm excited and I think it went well. The vendors I talked to seemed really happy and I hope they got some good leads/sales from the show. My boss seemed happy when we left tonight so I hope that doesn't change from today to Monday! It really couldn't have gone so well without all my co-workers who rocked the show! Without them I would have been lost. So now that the first show is over, I'm excited and I feel like the other shows will go better!

Tomorrow's the family reunion....hopefully it goes well. My cousin is picking me up and we're heading up to my aunt and uncle's to see everyone. Fingers crossed my aunt has margarita's or something because I might need it. After an 11 hour day on Friday and a 12 1/2 hour day today...I don't know how long I can handle the family...especially the great aunts and uncles.

Well I'm ready for the Pack to kick some more butt tomorrow! Go Pack Go!

Players to watch, or my favorite:

#87 Jordy Nelson

#35 Korey Hall

new computer!

This weekend I got my new laptop!! I'm so excited that I can now get on the internet at home! And the best thing is that someone in my apt. complex doesn't have protected internet so I can use theirs and I don't have to buy it. That saves me some money because I am broke. Luckily my dads work hsa this program where you can buy a computer through Dell, they pay for it and then take some much out of your check each pay period to pay themselves back. So it saves you money because you don't have to pay it all at once, and it allows me to make payments to my parents for the cost of this computer. I would never be able to pay for it all at once!

Today I went and bought bar stools for my island in my kitchen, scheduled my apt. for new tires for my car, went to the eye doctor and bought glasses and contacts, and I paid my electric bill and phone bill. Gosh it was an expensive day! It hits you hard how expensive life is. And these are things I need, not extravagent things! I need glasses and contacts ohh and I bought gas! At flippin $3.95 a gallon! Life is expensive and it doesn't help the way this economy is going. Hopefully I get a raise or something soon and then I'll have more moola!

I gotta say it....

Just have to say I told you so to all those Rodgers non-believers. So far he's proved himself very well and I think he's impressed a lot of people. He's handled the situation he was put into very well and I think he's going to have continued success through the whole season! Go Rodgers!

Labor Day is my FAV. holiday!!

It's true, I think Labor Day (weekend) is my favorite holiday. It seems like so much more fairs and festivals and picnics go on for Labor Day. Probably why my second favorite holiday is 4th of July. Needless to say, I'm super excited to go home this weekend and celebrate with my friends! A nice 4 day weekend (I'm taking off on Friday) is in order and I think this day is going slow just because it knows I want to be done.

My apt. is super...I really like it. Still some things I need to change/do but I really like it. It's nice to have the place just the way I want it. And my friend moved in across the pond from me! So when I get bored or whatever I can just walk across the yard and there you go, I'm in his apt.! We should coordinate a back yard barbecue party with all the neighbors.....that would be awesome!

Ok everyone, have a super weekend and enjoy the weather!


Just in case you missed it....A-Rod kicked butt the other night in Denver!!

a little sad

As much as I'm glad it's over, I really am upset that Brett Favre is no longer a Green Bay Packer. I saw him for the first time today in Jets apparel and it just didn't seem right. As much as you made me mad, I wish you luck Brett! Welcome to the start of your new life Rodgers!

Sick of it...

The girl who had my job before me came to visit today. It's amazing how she doesn't even say hi to me, and my boss can completely ignore me when she's here. I'm not her, when will they accept that?!? When will they learn that I've had this job 6 months compared to her 7 years when she left and the years before that she worked here? I wouldn't care if she never came back again....

new song...

I heard the new song by Lee Ann Womack today called "Last Call." Just when you can't think of anything else they could sing about they come up with songs like these. It's so catchy and I love it. If you get a chance, go to www.cmt.com and take a listen.


have a super night, it's almost the weekend!!

Roomie Time!

Drunk on whiskey, drunk on wine, the lord don't like it but the devil don't mind.


Time to go to see the roommates! I can't wait!!

it's over.....

Softball is officially done for the season! Can you believe it's over already? It seemed like when the season started that it was going to take forever but we succeeded in having a blast each game which made me get excited for Monday's! We didn't have the best season, but we had fun and I think that counts for a lot. And we got way better by the last game then the first. And of course the last game was the most fun. i think it was because we finally said screw the rules and just brought our cooler right up to the bench and cracked the cans open. Ok well Amy and I did, everyone else was a chicken! It was fun though and we went to the bar after and 8 of our co-workers were there! It was a good end to the season, and I actually am looking forward to it next year. Hopefully everyone will join again!

The apt. living is going very well. I like having the place to myself. If i don't feel like changing out of my pajamas in the morning, or afternoon, or all day.....I don't! (Not that it stopped us before in college!) All the messes that are in my place are mine and I can't blame them on anyone else but me. My closet is all mine which I love! It's going well though. Yeah sometimes it sucks but so far I'd say it's good.

Work is crazy like always. It's one thing after another....and I thought summer was our time off! I don't mind it because it does keep me busy, but some days I just want to go crazy on someone because I'm so stressed. I don't think it's going to get better either, considering that my season starts in September, which is coming on faster then I ever thought!

Alright have a super night! Enjoy the rest of your weeks!

Brett Favre is Pissing Me Off!

This whole saga with Brett not feeling welcome and GB doesn't want him, and he still can play....what a crock of crap! I'm so sick of Brett Favre is the poor old QB who the Pack tried to kick out....yeah right!!! Does that make any sense what-so-ever to think that the Packers would not want their quarterback back who took them to one game from the Super Bowl??? Yeah they probably were pressuring him to make a decision because they can't sit around with their fingers up their nose waiting to see what he's going to do. They had to make a game plan for the whole team! There are more people on the team then you Favre! They needed to know if you were coming back because if you weren't (which you didn't in a tear-full goodbye) they had to start working out plays with Rodgers as their starting QB!!! How can you not understand that?

I'm just fed up with the poor Brett act he's pulling. Now he can't come back as the starter so he doesn't want to come back at all? Wow, what dedication to your team and community. You quit, hem and haw about wanting to come back and then say ok you want to, then they say sorry we are making Rodgers the starter b/c he's been working his butt off to be it, and you throw down your football and run home to mom. Mature Brett, real mature! This whole saga has really changed the way I look at him. Anyone could have told him the first year he is retired is going to be the hardest. Once you get through the first, they become easier as time goes on. Let's see what happens as the soap opera unfolds and #4 either stays on top as the hero, or falls to the valley as a zero.

Yeah for Long Weekends!

It's along weekend for the 4th of July and it's alright by me! I'm at work now (yeah I know what you're thinking, why are you blogging at work. Well, my response to that is why are you reading this at work....ha ha gotcha!) and there is no one here. It's like a ghost town! I would have taken a day off but then that's one day I don't have later on when I probably could really use a day off. So I saved it and it's not bad really. Since there is no one here I pretty much can play my radio as loud as I want and there is no one to be distracted. These co-workers could go on vacation more often!

I never have a lot of plans for the 4th but it's my favorite holiday. The parades, picnics, fireworks, cook-outs, nice weather. I love it all! I'm ready to go home too. I haven't been home in about two months. I get to see my puppy again!

I got my furniture in my apt. last night. It looks good, it's hard to get it to fit though but once I figure that out I'll be fine. I like it though and it's coming together. Slowly but surely!

Alright everyone! Have a super weekend and enjoy yourselves! Behave!!

a nice change of events

Remember how I complained about CUSA yesterday, well last night was like 150% better! We didn't wait in any lines....ever! There still were a lot of people there but nothing like the mass congestion that was Wednesday night! Miranda Lambert was absolutely awesome and Dierks Bentley was really good too. We got our chairs a lot closer last night and we still couldn't see them on the stage. That stage must just be huge. It will be interesting to see what Saturday night will be like. We're not going to tonight and fighting the 10 million people who are going to Kenny Chesney. We saw his semi's last night arrive, good enough for me! So a nice change of events from one night to the next!

A little disappointed.....

We went to Country USA last night and needless to say, it was nuts! The exit ramp to take was closed so we had to go up one more and back track; which actually ended up being better because there was not as much traffic coming from that way. So we get in and park, wait in line again to get into the grounds and finally get in! We went and found a spot and put our chairs down and waited for Sugarland to start! They were suppose to start at 9:30...well 9:30 came and went. Then 9:45, then 10:00, along comes 10:15, 10:30, ohh look, 10:45...and next thing you know they finally come out at 11:00!!! I was so freakin' pissed! It wouldn't be a big deal normally, if it was like a Friday/Saturday night but it was Wednesday and I still have two days of work ahead of me! They did play their obvious songs so that was cool to hear those. And we were so far back that we couldn't see them....they looked about 4 inches tall. (the funny thing is we thought we were close. The stage is very deceiving because it's so tall so it looks big like you're really close....we were not close) They played until midnight and that was when we decided to leave because we wanted to get out of there and make it home before the sun came up!

We found our car fine and then it was trying to get out of the lot. Last night confirmed to me that the human race is pretty dumb. There were two lanes of traffic going out, because obviously no one was driving in and this car in front of us tries to like make a u-turn and get into the lanes. If she would have backed up and gone, it would have been fine, instead she goes like an inch every five minutes and tries to get in. It was so frustrating! So I backed up (reverse! What a novel thing!) and went around her, and started in the second lane again. Only to go about 20 yards and have some retard stick half her car in the lane to try to get to the opposite lane instead of just pulling into the first lane and keeping both lanes going!!!!!! I was so freakin' pissed it was not funny.

Finally we get the two lanes going again...and these chicks walk right down the lane....in the road! Then they turn and walk in the grass, so I try to go by them, and they turn into the road again! And to top it off, they give me dirty looks and yell "Watch out! Walking here!" I wanted to roll down my window and strangle the chick! It was a night I was ready to have end and I'm tired this morning.

Day One of CUSA, not so hot!

Thankful for the 4th

I watched the flag pass by one day,
It fluttered in the breeze.
A young Marine saluted it,
And then he stood at ease..

I looked at him in uniform
So young, so tall, so proud.
With hair cut square and eyes alert
He'd stand out in any crowd.

I thought how many men like him
Had fallen through the years.
How many died on foreign soil
How many mothers' tears?

How many pilots' planes shot down?
How many died at sea?
How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?
No, freedom isn't free.

I heard the sound of Taps one night,
When everything was still,
I listened to the bugler play
And felt a sudden chill.

I wondered just how many times
That Taps had meant 'Amen,'
When a flag had draped a coffin.
Of a brother or a friend

I thought of all the children,
Of the mothers and the wives.
Of fathers, sons and husbands
With interrupted lives.

I thought about a graveyard,
At the bottom of the sea.
Of unmarked graves in Arlington.
No, freedom isn't free .


I hope you all remember what July 4th is really about and stop to thank the soldiers who are keeping us free. Your courage and strength are unmatchable and because of you we're safe.

the last time...

My last session with Hot S. tonight. Man three weeks goes fast...I'm a little depressed about it! I hope my results are good...and I hope I can keep up this regimen. Wait, I need to keep it up...and it' s not too bad after all.

it figures

Why is it that practically every guy I've ever liked has had a girlfriend? Take a certain someone in my life, we'll call him Hot S. It's more of an infatuation with him now, I'll be honest; but don't all relationships kind of start out like that? I have a crush on him, I like that better then infatuation. Ok so I have a big crush on Hot S. and it's not getting any better since I saw him last night out at a baseball game.
It was his birthday, he's 26. And he was there with his girlfriend. Figures doesn't it? She was pretty, not what I was expecting, but what was I really expecting? I guess some knock-out gorgeous girl and just because this girl wasn't I shouldn't say she was not pretty. She was cute, skinny of course. I mean could a personal trainer have a fat girlfriend? And can any guy have a fat g/f without getting made fun of? Probably not many.
So he was there, and we talked and it was a good time. But all I could keep thinking was how lucky that girl was. How lucky to have Hot S. loyalty and attention and affection. I'm jealous...yes I am. I go to meet with him today. Will my crush end? No time in the near future, that's for sure.
When will a guy choose me, only me like that? And will they be like Hot S. or like me. If I was a guy, I probably wouldn't date myself either.

(I thought I finally met a guy last night that was just nice and liked me. Today, all he can talk about is business. That went down the drain fast. I wish I didn't get excited for things so quickly. That would require my brain not to work though and that's not going to happen.)


My secret: I'm sacred someone will love me like that, and I won't be able to love them back. Or I'll always be looking for someone different to love.
My other secret: I'm scared no one will ever love me like that.

One Week Left....

Only one week left of my W.R.F. fitness study! Its been really fun and I got to meet some great people. And not to mention Hot S. That was worth it right there! We have three sessions this week and then I'm definitely going to keep going. It's so hard with my schedule, because I have a social life, but I really need to keep going and it's nice to have a schedule like that. I would like to keep meeting with S., my trainer, but I'm not sure how much money or anything that is. We'll have to look into that.


We played softball last night against the crazy team. We're in the bottom division of all the leagues b/c we really just joined for fun. And this team is like hardcore softball players. They wear sliding shorts and the full on softball gear. And they are undefeated, giving each other signs and it's just nuts. They rock everyone they play and it's pretty dumb that they are in our league but whatever, we can't change that. So we ended up losing but it was pretty fun. I sucked at batting but whatever...hopefully I'll get better. Next Monday, we're winning!!


I still haven't heard if I got the apt. I put the money down on so I am just going to assume that I did. I don't want to have to start looking again...no way jose! I already did that once, I'm in for good now. I had to plan my budget and darnit, it looks like shopping excursions and partyin' are weekends need to be held to a minimum. I need to be saving some money so I eventually can get a house and not have to pay for rent. I got some new furniture this past weekend when my mom and I went shopping. They had a floor model brown leather couch and loveseat with recliner's in them on clearance b/c they had some scratches in them! I could care less about a little scratch if I get $2,000 off! So I got them and I'm set with that now! Now, if only I had somewhere to put them!?!?!

as much as I get frustrated, I do believe it

I seriously do believe that everything happens for a reason and most things will turn out alright in the end. However, in the heat of certain moments, I do not believe this and swear up and down and across that it's God's plan to screw me over. I think sometimes it takes us years and years to see why a certain decision went one way and not the other but eventually we'll figure it out. I also think that it's our adaptability that allows us to flow through tough times and make them ok. I think if something doesn't go one way, and we have to go with it, we can just make ourselves like the situation and make it work.

This is all stemming from the fact that I was so nervous for the cardio. program I was going to do with my trainer. I mean I get nervous over simple things, and this was making me real nervous. So I get there yesterday and he's says, "today we'll do the cardio, and tomorrow the legs" and I almost threw up. We went to the room and did the cardio and I made it through and didn't die so i was happy. And I think that was God's way of springing it on me so I couldn't sit and get nervous about if for two more days and I just had to do it then and there! And I guess I'm ok with that for certain things. It's just going to be a matter of time before I convince myself that it will all be ok.

Oh and another tip, I just keep telling myself that eventually it will be over. It won't last all night, eventually we'll be done and I can leave....that helps too!

workout numero four dunzzo

so i did arms last night with my trainer....and they aren't as sore today as they were the first time. We tried to do three rounds and man, my arms just like quit! I hate it! I got so frustrated and I even told him that I was mad! He kept telling me not to get frustrated that it takes time but it just gets me pissed when I'm trying so hard and my arms just seriously won't go anymore!

Hopefully I'm not like the worst person he has or anything b/c that would just suck! I actually hope he enjoys working with me, because I enjoy staring at him...ha ha He did ask about a fellow co-worker the other day though, which I was not too happy about. Not that it was a big deal or anything. Like I said, if he was tall, I'd be in a world of hurt because I wouldn't be able to concentrate I'd be so in love!

Wish me luck tonight as I go to do the bottom half workout!

casual......

Casual has seem to come up a lot this week. First off, all the bosses are gone so it's casual week!! YEAH!!! I'm stoked! Had a super weekend with my family too. We went shopping down to Pleasant Prairie and I got some awesome deals and spent a lot of money! It seems I always hit it big at the outlets or get like one thing. Well this weekend was one of the big ones. It was fun though.

Side Note: I work out again today with Hot S. - Arms.....yikes!!! Let's hope it goes well!! Only 6 sessions left! I'm super nervous again....

Casual also came up in conversation. This girl at work, B.T. has been having casual sex with another guy here at work. It's all fine and dandy until she confronted him and said,"look, I want a relationship and it doesn't seem like you want to give me one so either tell me you only like me for sex, or ask me on a date." Well he did neither but you know girls; we just can't get over someone in a week, sometimes month, sometimes year. I don't know what it is about us but when you see that guy again, your heart speeds up and you get kind of giddy and you just need to find any excuse to talk to him. And it seems like every girl has one....that one guy that no matter what you will never get over. Whenever you see them it's the same feelings, whether five days or five months since the last time you saw them. I have one, I know my roommates had them. They say go out and find someone new to replace them....well that's fine and dandy but it's not always that easy to go out and just get a new guy. So in conclusion, stay strong girls if you're in this situation. You can do it and if he is like this guy at work, you are so much better then him! Do right for yourself and just keep telling yourself you don't need him....which you don't!!!
Now it comes to practicing what I preach.

update!

Well my workout last night wasn't too bad. Now it wasn't easy but I really got a lot out of it. Good thing I don't have to lift my arms over my head at work b/c....well I wouldn't be able to!
S. and I did all upper body and he showed me how to do all the machines for it. We did a round of 15 reps and then another round of 15 reps. The second round sucked! I could barely finish/didn't finish some of the machines with the 15 reps on the 2nd time! My arms were shaking like crazy and I was trying to get them all the way up and I just couldn't! I felt like a fool but today we shared war stories over lunch and a lot of people couldn't finish the 15 reps the second time around. It's one of those things where it hurts but it feels good b/c you know you did something productive for the pain.

After I did a Body Sculpt class with B.T. and it was pretty good too. However my legs are a little tight today and I have lower body with S. tonight so he might be mad at me. ha ha Let's hope it goes well! I'm rather nervous to do the squats he decided we're going to do...I just hope it goes well!

(Remember how I said S. was hot..well he's freakin' Hot! He played baseball in college, he has facial hair which I love, and his shoulders and hands are gorgeous!...which are my favs...and he's really nice. I just hope he doesn't think like 'man, what did I get myself into with this chick!?" I do try hard and I hope he doesn't dread when I come in. He's easy to make conversation with which is nice. He loves my hometown, exact quote and I was surprised he even knew where it was. Good thing he's not tall....another fav....or I'd have a major crush! not like I don't already!!!)


Ohh and softball got canceled the other night due to rain! No game!

my first day!!!

So my training for at the fitness center didn't go bad the first day. I like it there, everyone's really nice and helpful. And they have a personal flat screen tv on all cardio equipment! Nice!

However, my trainer is hot...yeah you heard me. The one thing a girl does not want is a hot trainer. I would have taken a girl trainer any day but nope, I get the hot one, S. Dangit!
Tonights my first official workout with him. He says were going to do a lot in the weight room which I'm glad about b/c I thought he was going to like watch me on the treadmill or something. I just have my fingers crossed that it continues to go well! Wish me luck!

feel the burn.....

I start my workout session at W.R.F. today!! Yikes...I'm a little nervous, let's hope it goes well. Update tomorrow!

Bare bones softball team tonight! We'll see if we can keep up the winning record to fall to .500!

the weekend is here!

Ok maybe not for another hour or so but close enough! My friend B. and I are going out tonight for dinner and drinks and then to an Blizzard football game. Should be a good time.

I'm so ready for a weekend where I don't have to do anything. There are no obligations to me, I don't have to be at any party/wedding/shower. This summer is just crazy with bachelorette parties, bridal showers, weddings and miscellaneous other events thrown in there. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and family, but my budget does not like me! $30 here, $50 there....it all adds up. I honestly am glad I'm not in any of these weddings because that's even more money to be spent.
If I just lived in the country in the boonie's and had no obligations, then my life would be easier now wouldn't it?!

The apt. search is going strong. I only have one more to look at and then it's decision time. I need to get a place situated so I can start getting furniture and everything else for my place. Currently I have dishes and cups, a lamp, a nightstand, a futon, a bed and a desk. Super huh? Oh and my friend V. is giving me a kitchen table and chairs. So we're a long way from furnishing an apt.!!

Since I'm writing this and I've been using abbreviations all day in my writing, I thought I'd share some with you that my roommates and I always used.

O.N. = Old Navy sandals
Klot. = the fitness center
Q-dub = Qdoba Mexican Grill
T.S. = Taylor Swift
L.B. = Library
Apt. = Apartment (this is pretty generic)
3020 = our house
MLK = milwaukee

Ok those are the only ones I can think of so far. I know we have more though...they've slipped my mind currently. But we could seriously have long conversations using abbreviations or shortened versions of words. I miss my roomies........

crazy

I was just on Yahoo and looking at the pictures of the tribe they found in the Amazon or where-ever it was that has never been contacted by civilization. What a crazy thought! I mean I understand that they know nothing different but how does someone just grow up in total isolation and never venture out of their surroundings. How far are these people from a town? It's so weird to think that theirs a group of people out there who only know how to hunt and survive in the wilderness and do you even think they think like we do? Do they think there are other people in the world other then them? Do they know they live in a world where other people can exist?!?! It's amazing how we've been on earth for so long yet we discover new things almost every day. If you have a chance, check it out on CNN too. They say about 100 un-contacted tribes are out there worldwide and about half life in the Peru/Brazil areas.
The pictures show them shooting bows and arrows at the plane taking pictures. I wonder what's going through their heads when this big white thing flies over their homes and they have no clue what it is. I'd probably try to find a bow and arrow to shoot at it too.

I'm pretty much a walking contradiction.....

Yup thats right. I contradict myself quite often in this wonderful world I live in.

I don't like tail-gaters, yet I have a tendency to follow too closely myself. I hate when people talk to me in the morning, yet I find myself sometimes trying to make conversation with others. I get annoyed with people after a certain amount of time yet I don't feel like people get annoyed with me. (I hate this about me too! I have no clue why this is but after like a 4 month period, I'm sick of people and I need a break from them! Why? I have no clue!) I say I love sports but I don't really like to play them. I talk about people who drink a lot and get trashed, yet I've been known to go on my own binders from time to time. I say I'm not competitive but once I start playing I'm out for blood. I love the outdoors in the summer but hate being outside because when it's hot it ruins my make-up (another big issue I need to get over. Or society could change.....) I'm a hard worker, yet I slack off quite a bit at work. I get upset when people don't' update their blogs, yet I hardly ever update mine. I get mad at indecisive people yet I can rarely make a decision to save my life!

See, like I said, a walking contradiction! There's a resolution for me...stop it!

nope, I'm not gonna do it.......

Today is one of those days where I said I'd do something.....and now I don't want to. Nothing big or anything. It's not like I said I'd give a kidney and now I'm not....I wouldn't do something like that!! I said I'd go to the grad party that is going on for our intern Aaron but honestly, I don't feel like I want to go anymore. I really didn't work with him...at all really. I just hate having to come up with excuses all the time. Not that it's really a bad thing I think. I always try to think....If he didn't come to something I was having, would I be made upset. The answer to that is a big N-O. So I have to think of some excuse quick.......



UPDATE: I went. Yeah I know, add onto the contradiction that is my life. Some people were going and my attitude got better as the day went on so I went. It was a nice time and I like getting to spend time with people outside of work. Not that they are completely different like some places, but you just get to relax and throw down some beer. Wish I could do that at work!

do you think.......

Do you think all the beer we drink on Monday nights cancels out the exercise we get from playing softball? I do. It's unfortunate but the two just go hand in hand. We're in WI for gosh sakes! When you're bored with friends, you head to the bar. You get a twelve back and start a fire (in a pit people, I do not promote pyromaniacs!) I could probably say no, but who likes quitter!?!


I fake baked yesterday....and I don't regret it one bit. All 8 minutes were delightful!

I have yet to start my apt. hunt again. I'm rather dreading it and don't have the urge to do anything. Yeah, it's my college procrastination coming out again. Good thing I don't have like a 12 page paper due or something.

Did you know O.K. stands for "our kind"?? Me neither. I learned it in safety class today. Just thought you might like to know.

another day, another dollar

I'm not sure why, but that saying always seems to sum up Monday's. No one wants to be to work on Monday. It's like your brain doesn't function completely and you say dumb things and make mistakes...and that just makes your day go even better! So my Monday is going, slowly but going.

Tonight we have softball at 7:15 again. We won last week which was super great and I hope we can win again this week. However, people are skipping out tonight, which is kind of upsetting. I think we have like 12 games total, counting a practice game before the season officially started. Anyways, our games last an hour, that's it. So they could come, play the hour and leave immediately after that. It's frustrating because we need so many girls on the team as well as guys (due to rules) and the girls are the ones missing! If it's because you have work, we don't start until 7:15...what is going to take you from 8:30 in the morning to 7:00 at night!?!?! I will kind of be glad when it's done for this reason.

I'm getting sick of this dumb apartment search I've been on for two months now. Something needs to come soon or I'll go crazy!

disappointment reigns again

I'm sick of people saying, "it happened for a reason." Maybe it didn't. Maybe it was just someone's way so saying hey, screw you!! I feel like only so many times can it go wrong for it to be 'meant to be' and then after that, it's just shitty. I lost my apartment. Well I never really had it...or I thought I had it but I never really had it. I signed an application which I thought was a lease on a place (like my 10th one I looked at) and was all excited I got the call saying i got the place and then whoops, no you didn't. Sorry it was already rented. Well the girl who 'supposedly' is renting it has yet to sign the lease....and she looked at the place on April 21st! I was like, "ok so i have to wait for this girl to sign a lease or not, when I'm sitting here, willing to sign a lease today?" Yup, sorry, first come first serve! How long does she get to sit on it!?! I was told I had 30 days to decide if I wanted it or not. It's going on day 24 for this chick...30 days and I'm calling there to give them a piece of my mind. I don't even want to give them money after this whole scenario, but I liked the place and I can't think of trying to find another place again!!! I'm sick of looking, I just want to find a place and be done with it!! When will "everything happens for a reason" just be done and let me live my life!?!?!

Wonderful Weekend

It was a nice weekend for Mother's Day, other then being a little cold on Sunday. My brother and I pitched in and got my mom and dad a new digital camera for the event. We combined Mother's Day and Father's Day because, lets be honest, I'm not made out of money to spend that much on each of them for their 'special day.' I picked it out at Best Buy and I hope I picked a good one. And the woman at the photo department said it would be easy to use so that's a bonus! Now let's hope they start taking some pictures!

My allergies have been acting up lately. I know, you probably don't care about my sneezing and coughing and itchy eyes but I feel like sharing. I need someone to feel sympathy for me. They got really bad on Sat. night and it may have been because I let the dog sleep on my bed with me and she was outside all day....probably rolling in pollen and just getting coated in the stuff to come share with me. I was pretty useless on Sunday and slept most of the day. And I still didn't want to get up today to get the kids off to school/grandma's. But I did and got to work at 8:20....those kids are getting faster and faster!! Now if I could only get H.M. clothes on and off without taking off her ears........

the future looks grim

I'm not sure what it is, but I can't find a guy. Or I find one, only to discover he's way older or younger. Which I realize shouldn't matter but you can't tell me that it doesn't have a little weight in your decisions. Like at work, there is a guy who's 36. When you see that from the eyes of me, who's 23, it's hard to think of a relationship with someone who is like 13 years older then you. He's great and real nice and fun but 13 years is kind of a long time. Why can't I find someone my age range? Am I in the wrong town, wrong state? I heard in Alaska that the ratio is 2:1 guys for girls. Maybe I should invest in some boots and a parka and head north to Juneau. It bothers me that I can't just find someone my age...or close even. No I fall for the 35-40 year age range. Maybe someday, but for now, the future looks grim.

Update

"Easter Madness"


Everything is going well with my Grandma. The brain tumor is something that is not cancerous so they chose not to mess with it. And the spots from her MRI on her shoulder and spine are arthritis and not bone cancer! Thank you Lord for answering prayers!! Now she can enjoy her grandchildren and great-grandchildren!

mistakes/new found love

I signed up for a class that was video tapes to learn Medical Terminology last fall through a community college that has branches close by. When I signed up for the class initially, it was with the intention that would some day use the class for a job in a hospital as a unit coordinator. I always thought it would be interesting to work in a hospital and help people. My mom is a nurse and I know I couldn't do that but being a u.c. would be about as close as I could get! Anyways, I never took the course. I payed $250 or $300 I can't remember to get a packet of papers i never filled out and a schedule of videotapes I never watched. What a waste huh!? I'm upset that I haven't done anything with it...well did anything with it, the class is over now. I signed up when I had a job I didn't like and I just wanted any way to get out of there. Now I like my job. I'm upset with myself that I wasted that money!

So with J.A. in recovery, we are taking turns getting the kids to school. Today I got there and everyone was wide awake! And to top it off, both were sick!! Not like puke sick but poor little H.M. just layed in her crib and whimpered and cried. She helped me get her dressed by cooperating but you could just tell she didn't feel good. I felt so bad!! And W.J. was sick too. He was quiet and you could tell he didn't want to go to Grandma's, he just wanted to stay home with mom. But since J.A. can't lift anything, we can't leave the kids home alone with her in case something happened. And she still gets tired pretty easy so she takes naps throughout the day. H.M. sat and snuggled with me this morning for quite some time and J.A. said she must be sick b/c she's not a snuggler that often. And when we took them to Grandma's she didn't want to leave me. It was so cute and I'm so attached to those little punks. Honestly, in a weird way, I'm glad J.A.'s heart problem was detected so 1) she could get better and 2) I'm getting even closer to my god-daughter/cousins then ever before. I'm really more of an aunt then I am a cousin to them.
Here is a picture of us playing the other day when I babysat....now you can see the cuteness!

week one

Today's our first softball game for the co-ed team for work. It's just a practice but I'm still mega nervous! I wish I didn't get so nervous for things but I can't help that. I was nervous for women's volleyball and that turned out good so I hope this does too. Just don't let any of us get hurt!! Good Luck Team!!

more rain...

Hello again. So JA is back home and doing pretty well. She gets tired by the smallest chores and sleeps a lot, but that's good since she didn't sleep well for the week she was in the hospital. Let's hope it continues to get better and she'll be better then her old self in no time.

When you go through something like that, and then another thing gets added on, it really tests the human strength to endure hardships. My Grandma's doctor found a tumor in her head the other week at the doctors office. She got a brain scan on yesterday to see what it is. They said it's not cancer and they think she's had it for a long, long time. Yet again, I hope they are right and it's really nothing. She already told us that she's not doing anything about it. She said she's too old to fight it now, and if the doctor said don't worry, she's not going to worry.

I hope this is the last of the bad news for our family. We need something good to happen soon!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
This is just a eulogy that I found that a man wrote for his brother. It's such a touching letter and I thought I'd share it.

Darren Opicka’s eulogy for his older brother, Dean Opicka, killed in action in Iraq April 14, 2008:

Good morning. My name is Darren and I am Deano’s little brother currently stationed in Camp Pendleton, California. I’ve completed two successful combat tours. I’ve walked in the same soil that took Dean from us.

My parents always told us how many people are praying for you every single day and that’s always meant so much to me.

But looking back, me and Deano, the youngest two of four boys, and I believe the best looking, we always spent a lot of time singing karaoke, singing in the car or playing some kind of sport. It always seemed it was so convenient, every single day, come chore time, it was the fourth quarter in our front yard football game in which me and Dean took turns being Brett Favre trying to throw the winning touchdown pass against the Bears. You know we always won.

Come baseball season, me and Dean would spend many hours throwing the baseball around the front yard until one day there was a nearly perfect circle in one of the barn windows. It soon became obvious to mom and dad, and yet still to this day, no one threw it.

I’m sure the past week of everybody rekindling memories of Deano, everybody’s come to know something. I came to learn that my brother was the most organized packrat – ever. (He was) so meticulous that he sent himself letters from Iraq with receipts in them and he kept these organized forever. I don’t understand how he did it, but he did.

I know when Dean finally made it to heaven and he met God, he continued exactly where left off. When God got to him, he said, “Dean, here’s your receipt.”

People always wonder through their actions and what they’ve done, if they’ll affect people and change lives. Everyone knew Dean as a giver in all aspects of life. It never mattered what Dean had, but rather what you needed. Me and Dean were both very proud not just to be brothers, but also United States Marines – to serve the great nation, to serve an outstanding tradition and freedom. Dean’s passion and what he believed in led him to the greatest sacrifice for freedom – his life which he gave honorably.

We all have guardian angels. But I know on that fourteenth day of April, I got another one. One I could never have imagined nor asked for. Dean’s going to be the best guardian angel to walk by my side and to watch over me. Dean, you’re going to be missed by all. You’ve been an amazing Marine, a tremendous friend of all and the most incredible finacee, son and brother anyone could ever have asked for and will forever be in our hearts.

We love you Dean, it’s time for you to get some rest. Brother, you not only earned it, but deserve it. Your mission’s over. You’re home now.

and then the rain came pouring down.....

We were doing well. J.A. was moved to a regular room, and her pace-maker came off Saturday early-evening. It was great...we all were so relieved, I think I slept the best ever. (It probably helped that I babysat for a 7 year old, 3 1/2 year old and 20 month old that day too. I would like to send a personal thank-you to the inventor of Play-Doh and SpongeBob Square Pants....you saved me. I am forever grateful.)

I awoke to a note on the kitchen counter, "J.A. got moved back to ICU around midnight when her heart rate dropped to the 30's. She has the pace-maker attached again. I will call you if I get any updates." I felt sick, like I might black-out. How could this happen?!?! I just couldn't concentrate all day. She was doing so well and then BAM, back to step one. She will be in ICU for 48 hours so they can monitor her. I guess I'm sad it happened but glad it happened. What if that went on after she got home? She could have died! The nurses who watch all the patients monitors are the ones who caught it and came into the room to check on her. I really hope she doesn't have to get the pacemaker but if it keeps her alive, there really is no choice is there. It's just so crazy because she's only 28! I pray every night for her full recovery, please do the same if you can.

So far, So good

Hello All! Yesterday was a very stressful day for my family (well my second immediate family since I live with my aunt, uncle and cousin.) My cousin, their daughter and sister respectively, had to have open heart surgery yesterday. She had it about 4 years ago I think and the temporary valve that was put in was working, but another leak showed up in a different spot. So a new permanent aortic valve had to be put in yesterday. We woke at 4:30 am to get to the hospital by 6:00. We arrived and JA (my cousin) and JW (her husband) were already there. We talked a little, said a little prayer and off to the 2nd floor for the surgery. It was all going ok until JA started crying a little. Then my aunt was crying and I was trying not to. She's so strong it's unbelievable. I really look up to her for being 28 and having two heart surgeries already and taking everything in stride. I'm happy to say that all went well, or as well as a second heart surgery can go. We were at the hospital from 6 am - 6 pm when we went home. She is doing well and we're just waiting and praying for her to get off the pace-maker and have her heart fire properly on it's own. It's so used to having to 'fire' more then the normal heart that it was going a little faster then they wanted it to yesterday. The pace-maker should help it go to a normal rate and then the pace-maker will come off. She should be better then ever once she is fully recovered! YEAH!!!

In the meantime, we are all taking turns watching their 3 children (one from a previous marriage of JW) They are so adorable and I'm happy to say that the little girl HM is my god-daughter! They are always a hoot and I look forward to spending more time with them! Take Care all!!

The Times They Are A Changin'

My cousin is 16. The girl he likes is 18. When they hang out, it's just like I'm back in junior high all over again. They hit one another, say mean (dumb) things, keep moving closer to eventually they are sitting by each other. And then their is the other stages that I never experienced in my younger days. The texting, phone calls, Facebook pokes! We didn't have cell phones for one....we had bag phones. Yup, you remember the huge phone in a bag you plugged into your cigarette lighter. We had those and you definitely didn't whip them out in social gatherings to make a call.
Texting...now there's another one. We didn't even have phones, let alone the ability to text. I didn't get into texting until college!! Now little kids like 12 are texting! And the parents!! They text each others parents too! What!??!! I can't imagine texting my friends mom! It's just so foreign to me!

This day and age, Facebook is a regular everyday word. "facebook pic" "that's going on facebook" "facebook quote!" It's crazy how like everyone can say it and everyone else knows what that person is talking about. I still think facebook should be for college students only though. If a high school principal or someone got on there....yikes! These high school kids are a little riskier then my social circle ever was. The drinking and drugs! I mean you should never do drugs but the drinking, wait until college. Actually don't start at all! All it does is eat up your money. I was on my cousin's facebook and his friends had messages about needing to get drunk this weekend. I was shocked! I like to think I'm not naive but I guess I didn't realize how many kids do it.

Also, the pictures from the halloween parties!! They are dressed like slutty everything! Yet again, not until college did we get 'slutty' and even then it was too cold for me to go prancing around Water Street in thigh highs with my butt hanging out. I guess our children need to mature faster then ever these days which makes me a little scared. What will it be like by the time I have kids?

Now I understand why people always said, "Back in my day....."

annoyed....

So I get kind of annoyed at the tech department here at work. We are suppose to have private email folders but they check them and they check all of our emails. Ok I understand you need to monitor the server and computers and what-not. But do you need to go through all of our folders and check them? Do you need to read all of our emails? Umm no!! They can check what websites we go on and everything. As a matter of fact, they probably could be reading this as I type it! I understand to a certain extent yet where does the invasion of privacy line get crossed?

**I'm Kinda A Big Deal**

Wouldn't it be cool to have a famous friend? Not like reality show famous where you get taped every time you are with them, but like musician famous or athlete famous. I think it would be pretty fun. Probably if you stayed inside or out on your own property though otherwise you could be hounded by fans and the media (depending on how big of a star). I think I would want to be friends with like a person who is a star, but not super famous that they can't leave their home without being mobbed. Like some country music stars are just regular people in their hometown's. That would be cool to hang with someone like that...to get to live the life for a little while but not like 'completely' live the life!
Ok this was a totally random thought but I figured I'd shoot it out there.

___________________________-
Right when I think it's going well....here I am again. My boss just got back from lunch with V.P. - PR. Great! I really don't know why she doesn't want to go to lunch with me or anyone. God people, get over the fact that I'm like at least 8 years younger then all of you! Is that it? Otherwise I have no clue what it is. Am I suppose to be more talkative? I don't know what to talk to you about?! I don't want to have my only interactions with you be about work. I wish someone would just tell me what the deal is!! It's like I'm the last one picked for dodge ball. I seriously feel like I'm back in high school!

my new job.....

So my new job gives me the luxury of getting the first chance at tickets for events. No I don't get a discount and I can't get as many as I want but I also can talk to our ticket-person who can hook me up with the best seats available once they are on sale. Ok last night we saw Carrie Underwood and Josh Turner....I'm not even a big fan of either and I thought it was a really good concert. I'm not a fan of the costume changes all the time but they weren't that long so it was ok. But what I wanted to share was an awesome song I had never heard from Carrie Underwood and another song from Josh Gracin that's his new release that I love! Below are the lyrics and I recommend you go to rhapsody.com and listen for yourselves!

Carrie Underwood "Just a Dream"

It was two weeks after the day she turned 18
all dressed in white
going to the church that night
She had his box of letters in the passenger seat
A six pence in her shoe
Something borrowed, something blue
And when the church doors opened up wide
She put her veil down trying to hide the tears
Oh she just couldn't believe it
She heard the trumpets from the military band
And the flowers fell out of her hands

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever
Now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

The preacher man said "Let us bow our heads and pray"
"Lord please lift his soul and heal this hurt"
Then the congregation all stood up and sang
The saddest song that she ever heard
Then they handed her a folded up flag
And she held on to all she had left of him
oh and what could've been
Then the guns rang one last shot
And it felt like a bullet in her heart

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever
Now I'll never know
I can't even breathe
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream

Baby why'd you leave me
Why'd you have to go
I was counting on forever
Now I'll never know
oh I'll never know
It's like I'm looking from a distance
Standing in the background
Everybody's saying he's not coming home now
This can't be happening to me
This is just a dream
Oh this is just a dream
Just a dream
Yeah
Yeah

Josh Turner "Another Try"

All the things I felt and never shared
All the times that she was lonely with me there
The tears I wouldn't let fall from my eyes
And how I let her go without a fight

The reasons I'm alone I know by heart
But I don't want to spend forever in the dark
I swear next time I'll hang on for dear life
If love ever gives me another try

There's no changing things that we regret
The best that we can hope for is one more chance
If the hands of time could just move in reverse
I wouldn't make the same mistake again with her

The reasons I'm alone I know by heart
But I don't want to spend forever in the dark
I swear next time I'll hang on for dear life
If love ever gives me another try

The reasons I'm alone I know by heart
But I don't want to spend forever in the dark
I swear next time I'll hang on for dear life
If love ever gives me another try

sometimes I want to leave here so bad and discover other places I feel I might go crazy; but I'm scared to leave the life that I've built here.


but is the life I built here better, then what I might discover out there?

horrible...

I have realized I am a horrible judge of age!! There are people here are work that I can not believe how old they are because they do not look that old!!! After I find out their age I guess I can kind of see it but man, for some of these people I don't think they look nearly as old as they are. Wait, that came out kinda rude. What I mean is they look damn good for their age!


"How come all the cute boys keep getting younger and younger and I don't age one bit?!" - Lea

this isn't going as planned.....at all!

So I'm beginning to wonder if this whole life I had imagined in GB is really going to happen. I wanted this job so bad and now I'm kind of contemplating it. I love it, I really do and it's what I wanted to do but the rest of my life isn't turning out quite like I had expected! My future 'roommate' (or the girl who was suppose to be my roommate) can't get a job in GB so she is going to move back home since her lease is up June 1st. Well that leaves me living alone, which I don't really want to do; and it leaves me with a huge a*# rent bill I have to pay all on my own. The cheapest rent I can find for a decent place is like $650.00. That's almost two weeks of pay on what I bring home.

I don't know what I expected to happen but more and more I'm thinking I need to leave WI and go travel somewhere else. Sometimes I want to leave here so bad I feel like I'm going to burst out of my skin. And other times I'm so content I can't see myself anywhere else. I want to travel the U.S. and visit other places to see if WI is really right for me. What if Oregon is right? Or Wyoming? Or Ohio? How will I ever know if I don't try other things out?

Maybe I have this impossible dream in my head that I have made that could never come true. I don't know why I can't just be all around happy. A great deal of it is because I feel so alone sometimes. I wish I could just be happy by myself and deal with life. I guess things just aren't working out like I thought they would and it sucks. I don't want to live alone....I like people. Something needs to change here or I might lose it all.

Happy Easter!

Hello Everyone!! Just wanted to wish you a Happy Easter before the weekend! Celebrate with family and friends and eat lots of jello eggs! ha ha....did you ever eat those? we used to make them all the time and they were gross, yet so good! Ohh how I miss those jello jiggler easter eggs!

Sarah Johns

It's Hard To Be A Girl....

I don't mean to appear too forward.
Then again I wanna say so much.
I don't want to scare him off,
cause we're off to such a good start...
such a good start.

So I don't think I'll even leave a message.
He's had my number all along.
And if he hasn't got the message by now,
as to what this girl wants, what my heart wants...

I've been known to speak my mind,
but with him I melt, forget every line.
It's hard to be a girl in a young man's world.

I can't think straight, I'm confused.
This dress don't go with these shoes.
What's wrong with me?
Am I were he wants to be?
Should I go to work or go back to bed?
Pull the covers over my head, and scream?

I've been known, to speak my mind.
But with him I melt, forget every line.
It's hard to be a girl in a young man's world.
Ohh it's hard to be a girl, in a young man's world.


*If you like country....or even if you don't, give Sarah Johns a try. She's really great and co-wrote every song on her album!

will i...

will i ever be the one included in on the secrets? the one who people turn to to tell their frustrations or the one to help others out? will people ever bring their good news to me? will i ever be one of the girls in this office? it stinks when people yell over the cubicle to one another, asking if everyone is in and your gets bypassed. i know it's only been a couple months but when will my inclusion time come....or will i never be able to catch up to it?

it just comes natural

Sometimes I get really upset that I'm not naturally beautiful like some people. I have to struggle with weight and self-confidence probably more then the average girl. It sucks when you see these girls who I believe are pretty dang close to perfect and they complain about this and that. I just want to shake them and say "you have no idea how lucky you are"

I realize to them they are not perfect but jeez, how could you look in the mirror and think that? I often think that if I did change, I would be happy....but would I? Or would I be just like that girl who everyone thinks is well on her way to perfect but to her, she's far from it?

This comes on the heals of seeing the most gorgeous guy ever. And I think....my God, he is so attractive and in the back of my mind, I know I'll never stand a chance to get a look from this guy. I'm not the natural beauty he looks for. I'm the girl who "she's kind of pretty" and that's it. No second glance or smile and a hello. I just get so pissed because of this and I don't know how to just stop! It sometimes consumes my thoughts and lately it's been really bad. I need to just be content with who I am or change myself. If only 'changing myself' was easy and not so dang hard.

why aren't you gone yet??

Sometimes I get really, really frustrated with this job. I understand that the girl who had this position before me was here for along time. *Pam had my position for 6 or 7 years and it's only two people in our department. Ok, I understand that you got close over the years since it' s just you two but now I have your position, you can leave now. Pam just keeps hanging around and granted, it has been helpful when certain situations arrive and I need to get the answer to a question. But when I keep hearing that Pam did this and Pam got asked to stay by the boss and Pam did it this way.....ok good for Pam. I'M NOT PAM!!!!!

It's so frustrating to have her constantly here! Sometimes I wonder if my boss wishes Pam was still here and she is kind of upset that I am here instead of Pam. I'm sorry that you feel that way but you have to understand we have only known each other for about a month and a half....not nearly long enough to get extremely comfortable with each other. My boss and Pam just left for a day at the spa....wow, thanks for inviting me. It hurts when she goes off with Pam and leaves me here. Sometimes in this workplace I feel so alone and sometimes it's great. Lots of people know each other b/c they've been working together for years and I'm the new girl they don't really know yet. And the age thing plays into it as well I think. Everyone here is in their upper 20's to early/mid 30's. I'm 23. They have babies and husbands and bills...I'm just getting my life started! I feel like I don't fit in a lot. Not that they don't make an effort to include me but when your boss goes off with Pam and you are left in the office, it kind of stings. Sometimes I just want to say to Pam, GO AWAY!!! YOU DON'T WORK HERE ANYMORE!!! But I know that she'll be here later in the week, or possibly this weekend.

Will I ever be able to 'replace' her or am I constantly going to be taking a backseat to Pam? Is she always going to be around and overshadow me or will people ever start to know me for me and not "the new Pam"?

the end of an era.....

Today is a sad day in Wisconsin athletic history. Today, you said goodbye to the game you made famous. Everyone who knows anything about football knows your name associated with an indescribable feat. You risked it all and took the route not traveled, the sacrifice dive, or the famous "hail-mary" pass. Often coming out on top, victorious. You took challenges and risks and no matter what happened, we were behind you all the way. You Mr. Favre, were our shining light. Our hopes, dreams, and secret goals lived through you. Each of us threw a ball hoping some day it would leave our hand with the power like yours...never did, it but we wished it all the same. Tears were brought to our eyes during many games. The way you and the team poured their hearts out on the field; leaving tired and bruised. The night you played the game after your fathers death made many of question whether you were best friends with God. Your adversity to overcome obstacles has been outstanding. Our hearts went out to you and your family. To them you may be just an average guy who happens to have a heck of an arm. To us, you're our hero.

You showed children that football is fun. No matter how much money you have made from start to finish, you have given it one hundred percent. Your smile on the field has made us smile in our homes. The way you celebrate touchdowns like it's your first one ever. You ran around with you helmet in your hand raised above your head, showing the world what great things were to come. The way you pat players on the backs, give them a wink, crack a joke, or snap a towel you do it all with vigor. You have adopted Green Bay as your second home and we have adopted you as our second son. Through thick and thin, we have stood by you and you by us. Your devotion to the green and gold has almost out shined your best plays. Green Bay has changed since you have arrived here some sixteen years ago. You gave us something to look forward to in the fall and a reason for us to enjoy the winter. Families planned their vacations around Green Bay now, hoping to catch a glimpse of the "great one" during practice. The game will never be the same without you in it. Many have said you're so modest and kind and that's what makes you loved. Not a single player has spoke negative words about you which says even more about you then your gunslinging arm.

We first saw a fierce football player. Little by little the layers came away and we see now a great man as well. Your private life has become more in the public eye then maybe you have wanted, but with your disclosure of your private life, you have lifted many others up. Your fight with addiction helped others get back on track. Deanna's fight with breast cancer showed others that life is worth fighting for. Money and fame have not gone to Deanna's or your head. This shows a lot about your roots and family upbringing. You taught our children how to behave off the field as well as on. Tell your family thank you from us as you spend your upcoming years with them. They have been patiently waiting for you.

Your family has continued to donate their time, faith, and love to children to brighten their day. Little did we know it also brightens yours. We see you on a pedestal...you see yourself as an average guy. Neither of us are right, but we can't say neither is wrong as well. How could we have known a boy from Mississippi could turn into a magnificent man right before our eyes? You fit in better in Wisconsin with your hospitality and charm then even some Wisconsinites do. You have stayed true to yourself and also honest with us, which makes us even more proud to call you 'ours.'

Great days are ahead of us. When Lambeau Field adds your number to the retired jersey's of legends hanging on their sacred walls; and the day you are forever recognized as a record breaking quarterback in the National Football Hall of Fame. Both are well deserved and you have worked so hard to earn the titles.

We are all preparing on how to tell our children of the days we watched the great Brett Favre make the incredible pass and then pat his teammates on the back. The joy you had as you ran around the field, celebrating every play from year number one to year seventeen. We will teach them to be like you, more then we will ask them to mirror us.

We're sorry we often got carried away and didn't let you live your life outside of football. Sometimes we get so caught up, we forget there is more to you then your football legacy. Even though some say it, you don't owe us anything. You already made it seventeen years longer then some pets, some jobs, and some loves. We knew you'd be there for us year after year and for that we're happy. It's great to have "known" you for so long and like all good things, this must come to an end too. We wish you well. Have fun hunting, spending time with family and friends, and when football season comes around, we'll all be thinking of you.

We'll forever remember the day this announcement was made. You may think you don't deserve it, to us you couldn't deserve more. There's not much we can say Mr. Favre to tell you how much you have impacted all of our lives. Most for better, other NFL fans for worse. From now on, most of us when given a choice to choose a number will choose number four; knowing in the back of our minds that if forever belongs to you. Thank you for your heart, your dedication to Green Bay and the fans, and your love for life. On the field and off you have helped many of us see the joys in life. You will forever be Deanna's Brett...and forever in our hearts, our Favre.



"But I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, his greatest fulfillment of all he holds dear, is the moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious." - Vince Lombardi

I know this is wrong....

I know I shouldn't but I am.....I'm jealous of my friends who are married or those who are with the one they will marry. It's rather discouraging to be here with all my friends and they all are 'not looking'. Who knew a little rock on your left hand could be so significant huh?!

Now I don't want you to think I hate these people because of this....I really am happy for them that they found someone who loves them and they love to spend the rest of their life with. I truly have not found that person (well I have but they don't know they're that person! ha) and I hope one day soon I will. But there is the little voice in the back of my head that goes, "Do you really want that now or no?" I truly don't know b/c my mind shifts back and forth on the topic so much. Do I want to get married, heck yes! Do I want it to be in the next 2 years....I'm not sure. I think about being with someone for the rest of my life and I get kinda freaked out. I am assuming this is because I have yet to meet the perfect person that I want to spend the rest of my life with that this feeling coincides with that thought. I don't' want to be jealous of them but I am.