What's a person to do?

It's been really rough being unemployed and in more ways then one. Of course theres the fact that you don't have any cash coming in except unemployment which is nothing like what you usually made. Theres the fact that there is nothing to do all day except sit and look for jobs and apply for jobs that you don't get and that you don't even get a response from a person for the ones you check on. I can go to the library because that's about the only thing in this town that's free. When you have to watch your nickles and dimes, you can't stop at the fast food restaurant b/c you don't feel like cooking dinner. I can't get bored and say, "Jeez, I need to go to the mall because there's a sale at such and such a store." Yeah it would be great to go get a new top or something but then you have to look at the big picture and say, "Ok can I get a top, or pay my electric bill? Hmm which one will help me in the long run more?" It's tough and I can relate to those who are going through this with me, before me and those who will go through it later.

I think the best way to describe the whole situation is frustrating. I thought that was my dream job, the job I'd have for years and barely 9 months later you're thrown on your tail out the door. Where do you go from here? For me, yes I have a college education but employers look at your work history and see 6 months as this job and 9 months at this job which you were fired from and they don't want to take the risk as having you on their staff. I'm so annoyed with applying to jobs that I am either not completely qualified for so they overlook you or those which I am overqualified for and they over look me. I mean I can't even get a secretary job where the qualifications say "High School Diploma."

My biggest fear/worry is what am I going to do if I don't get a job? The way the whole economy/job market is right now, there are thousands and thousands of people going for jobs. What if I don't get one? What am I going to do, move home? What's for me there, nothing. Home is even worse then here. My next job I have to stay at at least a year...no if, and's or but's about it. So how do I find a job that decent that won't drive me insane? I'm worried because the last job started great and turned into a shit show (pardon the language.) What if the next one does too, and the next, and so on? What if my working career is meant to be bonfire pit of tried and failed occupations? I know worrying gets me no where but when it's nearing the end of week 10 and nothings is in sight, the end looks pretty gloomy.

A related note: I watched this episode of 30 days on hulu.com today. (www.hulu.com is a great site for those of you out there like me who can't afford to rent movies. It's old movies but some of the TV shows are recent that they have....I don't have cable either) The links below. It will give you a good grasp on what many people in this world go through. Maybe this time in my life is to show me that I need to watch my money more closely and I was spending too free-ly before. I guess God only knows. Take care all!

http://www.hulu.com/watch/5287/30-days-minimum-wage

The Difference in Geographical Areas

On a commercial break from New Adventures of Old Christine, I turned to American Idol because well, I hate commercials. However, after the brief time I watched AI, I now like commercials better. This guy came on and you could tell he was one of those that thought he was good but he obviously only sang to his animals on his farm because he wasn't. You could tell he was a down home,country boy and as he was leaving, all rejected, he told the judges thank you and be careful. Now I thought nothing of it. I was like ohh too bad for him. However, Paula Abdul decided to flip out and go "What did you say? .... That's a threat, don't ever say that to anybody every again!" and all the judges were going crazy. Now seriously, do you think that this guy was going to come back to your hotel, even if he found your hotel and shoot you? Please! He tried to explain himself that he was just saying be careful in your travels and they continued to yell at him. I felt bad for the guy.
Ok so the point was that you can just tell the differences in people and where they live. Here in the midwest, if someone said that to me I'd probably say thanks or same to you...something to that affect (effect?) But people who grow up in cities (hmm, like L.A.) where hospitality and politeness are not very prevelant take this poor guys farewell and blow it into a "I'm coming to get you and shoot you in your head while you sleep." They need to relax and spend some more time around people who are from the midwest.

Comfort Zone

After a wicked bad cold spell, things seem to be on the upswing. It's been below zero here for a couple days and I am so ready for it to be over with! When you go outside and the instant your face hits that air your eyes start to water and you just want to turn around....yeah, I'm ready for warm weather.

I came back to my apartment today and I need to stay here for awhile! I have been home quite often lately because like I posted before, it's nicer at home being able to watch cable, and talk to people! However, the past week or so I haven't even seen my friends so I thought today was the day I needed to get back to my life and stop sitting at home on my fanny. It was weird to come back down here and I never thought it would ever be like that, ever! My apt. is great and I love it down here but it just is nerve-wracking to me that I have about two and a half more months to find something and then I'm on my own. I don't, I repeat Do Not want to have to move back home and live with my parents. As much as I love home and them, there is nothing there for someone my age; well unless you're married and thats where you live. But that's the problem, all my friends there are married so it's not like we get together all the time and hang out and go out, etc. There just are no jobs up there either and I need to stay down here.

I think one of the hardest things is that I don't have like a best friend here that I do everything with. I have a bunch of really good friends but no roommate or best friend. That's kind of hard sometimes. Sometimes I think my life would be easier if I had that one best friend (or more then one) that you do like everything with, from big to little things. I don't know, I think I just really need to find a job and get back into the grove of work and things. I do appreciate all the great friends and family who have been looking and giving me heads up on positions too. That means a lot to me to have people looking out for me.

Take care everyone, good luck and stay warm!

Is this a sign or something?

Wait, do I believe in signs? I have no clue but if I did or do, or...whatever, this would be a sign. I was watching Joel Osteen on ABC Family tonight and sometimes he just speaks to me. As you can read, I've been having a tough time with my life plan and how I wanted it to go. I got fired from what I thought was my dream job and it has affected me a lot. Not where I'm a non-functioning depressed person, but that I just have this fear in the back of my head that I'm not going to be good enough for society and I'll just keep getting fired from jobs. I know I have to lose that way of thinking and I'm trying, I am but unless someone's told you you're not good enough you just don't know.

Ok so anyways, the message in the sermon was that God has a plan for us in life and we will face challenges and people who try to stop us but God has something better for us. We can't give up and we just have to keep going. God needs us to say "I'm going to rise up and live a new dream."
We may have a reason to feel sorry for ourselves but we don't have the right. God still has a plan for us. None of our challenges are a surprise to God, he had the solution before you even had the problem. Let it go so you can accept the new path God has for you. If things don't work around the way you hoped, dream a new dream. God would not have let the door close on you if he didn't know a better one would be opening. What you may think is a set-back may be a set-up. God's plan is better then our plan.

I really needed those words and as I said, if that's a sign, then I'll fully accept it and hope that the something better God has planned for me will be coming sooner rather then later.
Good Night All! Take Care

Ugh, floating along....

I'm in a rut...yup, just like a major league hitter, a three point shooter, or a field goal kicker. I'm in a rut. It's been a little over two months since I got fired and nothing is on the horizon for a job. And to top it all off, the economy is just so super right now that more and more people are losing their jobs and being thrown into the work pool and kids are graduating and looking for work. It's so hard to find anything. I wanted to go back to school for a health care position and I looked it up on the tech college website, I need 1,000 hours in a health related field to even get into the program! So I need to try to get into a health care position, without any health care work background or studies other then Health Communication Courses in college. Yeah so I'm kinda screwed! I also have this fear in the back of my mind about going to work again. I feel like I won't be adequate enough for any company now and that I will get fired again. I'll just die if that happens! I'm so scared that from here on out I'll just be a failure and I won't be able to hold a job, people won't think I'm a good worker, etc. It really scares me. I know I need to get past it but it's really hard to push in the back of my head.

Since I'm so bored at my apartment by myself, I often go back home to hang out because at least then I have the dog and I can go outside and stuff during the day. When I stay at my apt. all I do is watch TV (and I only get like 6 channels), and go shopping and spend money that I don't have. Going home allows me to watch cable for one and just relax.


I just get so frustrated with my friends sometimes. I know that I don't help the problem a lot but my whole situation doesn't help my mood when plans with friends don't pan out. We were suppose to go to that new movie Bride Wars this week (or so I thought) but I never heard anything. I thought we were going to go a benefit tonight, but I never heard anything. I think the thing that hurts the most is that sometimes I think they don't invite me because they don't want me there. Note to everyone, I have one single friend back home...that's right, one. And she's not the most outgoing person. She's shy and doesn't like the bar scene so much. So I understand when they do things with other couples but I think they also need to take into consideration that I'm the only single one (my other single friend often doesn't go out) so if I'm not invited I'm often home watching television. This town isn't so big that I can just go find others to hang with, there is no one else! I get upset because it feels like they leave me behind because I'm single but I can't help that. I also get upset when we get together and do things and it's like playing games and watching TV or just chilling at someones house. That's fun and all but not all the time. I understand you're "saving money" which is always the excuse but you don't have to spend hundreds when you go out! How am I going to meet anyone sitting on the couch in your living room?! Basically I get upset because it hurts. It hurts to be left out, it hurts to be left behind. It hurts to slip from someones mind when their planning something and you don't make the guest list. It really hurts when it's because you're single. Tonight for instance, if they went and I didn't get called, I'll be really hurt. I know I could have called but I didn't because I don't want to look desperate like I'm just aching for something to do. I guess my pride gets in the way and I bring my own hurt upon me. What's a happy balance? I'm not sure if there is one.

Alright, another thing, I have a crush on this guy who bartends at a friends bar in town. He is good friends with our friend who owns the bar and he often spends time with them bartending or just hanging out with them. He's a nice guy and I do like him but I don't think the feelings is mutual. Honestly, I don't blame him, but my friends could go with me there to enjoy some eye candy couldn't they? ;)

Ok, I'm done ranting and raving about all the negative. Hopefully it will turn around soon. Take Care All!

She was pure as snow, but she drifted...

Here is my pretty Christmas tree in my apartment. I got it on sale, pre-lit...I love it!

It's snowing again...

It really is pretty when it snows. It wasn't as bad as they had said last night. They said it was going to snow all day and into tonight. It didn't start snowing until a couple hours ago and it's suppose to end at 6:00. By my apartment, it's rather hard to see just how much we have gotten this winter. The snow drifts so bad because of the wind around here. It piles up on the sidewalk right in front of our door and then there is grass in the yard right next to the sidewalk. So you can't really tell how much we've gotten. Fr instance, it's piled up about four feet high by the apartment next to us but the pond has a couple inches on it. Ohh well, let is snow!

Merry Christmas!

I hope all of you had a wonderful Christmas with family and friends or whoever or where ever you happen to spend the day. Mine was great and was spent with a crazy bunch of aunts, uncles, cousins and friends. My little cousins are getting bigger (8, 4, 3, 2, 2) and they had a blast opening presents now. This year they started to get the hang of opening the presents and playing with the toys. Last year they didn't really understand what was going on. My God daughter had such expressions on her face when she opened her presents. Especially when it came to the brown boots she got, and the pink slippers with fur on them. She loved it and wore them around all day! It was a great day and it came and went fast! But, next year will be here before you know it.

I haven't been doing much since I lost the ol' job. I've been applying to jobs but I have yet to get any call back or anything. There are so many people who are looking for jobs now it's nuts. Hopefully something will come along soon, all you can do is apply and keep looking.

This winter sure had been a crazy one! 42.3 inches so far for December! So glad I'm not shoveling and having to clean the drive or the sidewalk. Just think, we still have like 4 more months of this too. It really did look pretty after this past snowfall though. The snow was heavier so it stuck to the trees and looked so nice. Just like a postcard, I'll have to try to get some pictures of it.

Not sure what I'm doing for New Years yet but hopefully it will be a good time! Have fun everyone! Welcome 2009!

a great weekend in the books....

This weekend I went to MKE to visit with the college roommates and have our 6th annual Christmas party. It is just crazy to me to think that we have known each other for 6 years and I am more comfortable with them then I am with some of my friends I've known since high school! Every time I'm with them we have a great time. It's so hard to be away from them when I'm back home but I just can't bring myself to go back to MKE to live. I love the girls, and most of the time the city, as well as all the things to do down there but I just don't want to go back to living in the city. I kind of want to have my cake and eat it too I guess. I love the city and all it offers, but give me a country field with a sunset anytime.

Anyways, the party was great. It was so good to see all the girls again and be able to hear about the married lives and dating lives of all of them. It's going to be interesting to see where we are in the next couple years, and to see when we have to start having babysitters incorporated in the parties for all the babies they're gonna pop out! ha ha As I said, we always have fun and this weekend was no different. We drank too much Brandy Slush and wine, and ate way too much food but we got to catch up and thats the best! Now it's off to another week of unemployment and sitting around. Gosh this stinks but what can you do? I didn't think I'd be here but then again, I never have predicted anything right so far so why change now!

Only a little over a week until Christmas! Maybe tomorrow I can get my Christmas shopping done! Not much left, it will be nice to get it all over with! Take care all!

Snow.

It called for snow and dang it if they weren't right! We got about 8 inches I'd say, not as much as they called for but a good amount. It's hard to tell here at the apartment because it drifts so bad across the fields and the pond. It's piled against my patio door but over by the post on the patio I can see cement. So as you can imagine, it's hard to tell how much is on the ground really. I love snow and I enjoyed watching it fall all evening and night last night.

However, I was not happy at 3:23 am when I was woken up by VVVVRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMM!!! The apartment snow removers were hard at work, 4 feet from my bedroom window. I rolled out of bed and poked through the blinds to see 4 men working their hearts out. It was kind of creepy though, they were so bundled up I couldn't see anything but eyes. One was snow blowing, two were shoveling, and another was using a bobcat to remove snow from the parking lot. I let out what could be considered a death growl and crawled back under the covers to try to go back to sleep. I must have because I work up this morning at about 9:30. They did a good job but remember, it drifts and this morning when the UPS man came I had to lean on the door to try to get it through the six inches of snow that drifted against it already. Well, so much for hard work!

It's starting to come together

Hey All! My goodness gracious is it windy here tonight! I went outside to go move my car into the garage (I had every intention of going to work out but well, I fell asleep on the couch instead) and I thought my ears were going to freeze and blow off my head! Gosh, I hope we don't have another winter like last year. I like snow and stuff but that much snow is just too much. At least we'll have snow for Christmas!

I had a revelation the other day...I guess you could call it that. I decided that my problem is that I always worry about what others think of me. Like what others think of my occupation mainly and other things but I decided I just can't do that to myself anymore. I need to try things that people might not think are right or 'prestigious' and just try things to find out what I want. What if my true happy life is in Idaho, I don't know but not here. This is my chance to find that out and I took the first step and applied to volunteer at a school in Kentucky. Its only 3 months and I feel like anybody can do anything for three months. Look how fast three months goes when you're working or on vacation especially. This will allow me to see the states and pick a home. I might end up here but at least I can say I went other places and found here was my 'home.'

I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving. Mine was great and we had fun. It seems like we always do on holidays! Now I'm getting all ready for Christmas. I'm doing pretty well on getting everyone their gifts and I hope to be done this weekend or early next week! Until next time, stay warm!!

First Day

Today was a lazy, lazy day. I didn't get up until like 10:30 which I haven't slept that late since I don't know when. Well other then when I get home at like 3:30-4:00 in the morning. I did some job searching, cleaned a little, made out a grocery list, got a couple things off my to-do list. It was a productive day I think.

For the rest of the week; get my hair done, meet to with my new health insurance company, go to dinner with some friends and thats about it! I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving since I'm pretty sure it's my second favorite holiday. Labor day being the first, and yup, Thanksgiving is second. I'm looking forward to Black Friday to go shopping with the family. Yes we're four of those crazy ladies who get up when it's pitch black, before all you hunters even, and go buy tons of presents. We've been doing it for years and I look forward to it every time it comes around!

Have a great week everyone!!

A twisted turn of fate...

I dreamed of it...it was the thing I worked for. I couldn't have been happier or more proud when I was the chosen one to receive the acceptance letter. And then Wednesday it all came to an end. I was released from my job that day. The job I thought was my dream let me fall to the roadside, crumbled and discouraged. It was one of those surreal experiences. As it was happening I just didn't know what to do. I wanted to prove all the work to her that I had done that she said I hadn't done. The goals she said I had not met that I had. It's crushing feeling to have someone tell you that you're not good enough, that your not right when you thought you were.

I'm trying to be positive and I'm fine now. More then the job I'll miss the people. I met so many great people and I'll miss seeing them every week. It's almost a "be careful what you wish for" situation. I have been battling back and forth in my mind for months on what my life holds for me. I've said, "What if what I've built here isn't as good as what's out there? But what if what's out there isn't as good as what I've built here?" Now I guess God's giving me my chance to find out. I had this job so I wasn't able to go out and explore out there and I wanted to so badly. Now that I can, I'm rather overwhelmed and scared to death! Where do I start? There's so many things that are holding me here that I love, yet what if I will love it more out there? What if my real life is in Montana or West Virginia, or Alabama!?! It's crazy to think that I really could go anywhere and nothing is stopping me. Maybe this is a good thing to be let go from my job and this is the start of my life.....maybe it starts tomorrow....

What's your stress level at work?....

I went to the chiropractor today for the first time ever. One of the questions on the first timer forms you have to fill out is your stress level at work and your personal stress level. I put my stress level at work a 6, even though at times it's more like a 9. I enjoy work usually, it's when everyone else is in a bad mood that I hate it. Today, was one of those days.

I got this email about a rental that my boss did for a local school. The guy was suppose to call one of the crew workers to set up a pick up time. But that crew worker was gone for a week and when he got into work today, he told me about the rental and suggested that I call the guy to set up a time. I decided I didn't have time to do that and why should I considering that it isn't my rental and I don't know the guy. IN the email she sent to the guy who rented the equipment, it said to contact her assistant to set up a time if she couldn't get a hold of the crew member. So I give her assistant the number and then a little while later I get an email saying that I passed the buck and I shouldn't have passed the name and number to her assistant because everyone is busy and they don't have time to do this and that I need to take initiative and do things when they arise. Also that it's my departments job to handle rentals.

Ok I can find a lot of things wrong with this email from her. First she scheduled the rental and knows the guy, why is it all of a sudden my responsiblity to schedule it after she does? If rentals are my job, why not let me book it? Second, I love how she said everyone is busy and doesn't have time to do it so why don't I. Ohh so I am just sitting around with my thumb up my butt? That's right, I don't have anything to do so I'll handle everything that you 'don't have time to do.' Third, she told the guy in the email to contact her assistant, so when I give her assistant the message from the guy, I'm passing the buck? I just get so pissed with her! She says we need to help one another and yada yada, but when we needed help with something she sat back in her queen chair and stuck her nose up at us and wouldn't lift a finger to help us! It's a lot of double talking at this place I found out pretty quickly.

So other then that, I'm ready for the weekend! I was having a pretty good week too. It was going fast which is always nice! Now tomorrow I'm sure is going to drag on like no other! I have a follow up appt. with the chiropractor tomorrow to go over my x-rays of my spine. It will be interesting to see what is going on back there! ha ha, get it, back there! Alright so hopefully he can get this tension out of my right shoulder, which I would love to use to help my fist punch some people in the face.

Is it Friday at 5:00 yet?

Four Walls

These four walls
They whisper to me
They know secrets
I knew they would not keep

It didn't take long
For the room to fill with dust
And these four walls
Came down around us

Must have been something
to send me out of my head
With the words so radical
and not what I meant
Now I wait
For a breakin the silence cuz it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again

It's hard now to let you be
I won't make excuses
I've made my peace
It didn't take long
For me to lose the trust
Cause these four walls
Were not strong enough

It must have been something
to send me out of my head
With the words so radical
and not what I meant
Now I wait
For a breakin the silence
cuz it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again

Yeah It's difficult
Watching us fade
Knowing it's all my fault
For my mistake
Yeah, it's difficult
Letting you down
Knowing it's all my fault
That you're not around

It must have been something
to send me out of my head
With the words so radical
and not what I meant
Now I wait
For a breakin the silence
cuz it's all that you left
Just me and these four walls again
Again

Finally.....

After a very stressful week, my first show is in the books!! I'm not sure on the exact numbers of how it went but personally I'm excited and I think it went well. The vendors I talked to seemed really happy and I hope they got some good leads/sales from the show. My boss seemed happy when we left tonight so I hope that doesn't change from today to Monday! It really couldn't have gone so well without all my co-workers who rocked the show! Without them I would have been lost. So now that the first show is over, I'm excited and I feel like the other shows will go better!

Tomorrow's the family reunion....hopefully it goes well. My cousin is picking me up and we're heading up to my aunt and uncle's to see everyone. Fingers crossed my aunt has margarita's or something because I might need it. After an 11 hour day on Friday and a 12 1/2 hour day today...I don't know how long I can handle the family...especially the great aunts and uncles.

Well I'm ready for the Pack to kick some more butt tomorrow! Go Pack Go!

Players to watch, or my favorite:

#87 Jordy Nelson

#35 Korey Hall

new computer!

This weekend I got my new laptop!! I'm so excited that I can now get on the internet at home! And the best thing is that someone in my apt. complex doesn't have protected internet so I can use theirs and I don't have to buy it. That saves me some money because I am broke. Luckily my dads work hsa this program where you can buy a computer through Dell, they pay for it and then take some much out of your check each pay period to pay themselves back. So it saves you money because you don't have to pay it all at once, and it allows me to make payments to my parents for the cost of this computer. I would never be able to pay for it all at once!

Today I went and bought bar stools for my island in my kitchen, scheduled my apt. for new tires for my car, went to the eye doctor and bought glasses and contacts, and I paid my electric bill and phone bill. Gosh it was an expensive day! It hits you hard how expensive life is. And these are things I need, not extravagent things! I need glasses and contacts ohh and I bought gas! At flippin $3.95 a gallon! Life is expensive and it doesn't help the way this economy is going. Hopefully I get a raise or something soon and then I'll have more moola!

I gotta say it....

Just have to say I told you so to all those Rodgers non-believers. So far he's proved himself very well and I think he's impressed a lot of people. He's handled the situation he was put into very well and I think he's going to have continued success through the whole season! Go Rodgers!

Labor Day is my FAV. holiday!!

It's true, I think Labor Day (weekend) is my favorite holiday. It seems like so much more fairs and festivals and picnics go on for Labor Day. Probably why my second favorite holiday is 4th of July. Needless to say, I'm super excited to go home this weekend and celebrate with my friends! A nice 4 day weekend (I'm taking off on Friday) is in order and I think this day is going slow just because it knows I want to be done.

My apt. is super...I really like it. Still some things I need to change/do but I really like it. It's nice to have the place just the way I want it. And my friend moved in across the pond from me! So when I get bored or whatever I can just walk across the yard and there you go, I'm in his apt.! We should coordinate a back yard barbecue party with all the neighbors.....that would be awesome!

Ok everyone, have a super weekend and enjoy the weather!


Just in case you missed it....A-Rod kicked butt the other night in Denver!!

a little sad

As much as I'm glad it's over, I really am upset that Brett Favre is no longer a Green Bay Packer. I saw him for the first time today in Jets apparel and it just didn't seem right. As much as you made me mad, I wish you luck Brett! Welcome to the start of your new life Rodgers!

Sick of it...

The girl who had my job before me came to visit today. It's amazing how she doesn't even say hi to me, and my boss can completely ignore me when she's here. I'm not her, when will they accept that?!? When will they learn that I've had this job 6 months compared to her 7 years when she left and the years before that she worked here? I wouldn't care if she never came back again....