it figures

Why is it that practically every guy I've ever liked has had a girlfriend? Take a certain someone in my life, we'll call him Hot S. It's more of an infatuation with him now, I'll be honest; but don't all relationships kind of start out like that? I have a crush on him, I like that better then infatuation. Ok so I have a big crush on Hot S. and it's not getting any better since I saw him last night out at a baseball game.
It was his birthday, he's 26. And he was there with his girlfriend. Figures doesn't it? She was pretty, not what I was expecting, but what was I really expecting? I guess some knock-out gorgeous girl and just because this girl wasn't I shouldn't say she was not pretty. She was cute, skinny of course. I mean could a personal trainer have a fat girlfriend? And can any guy have a fat g/f without getting made fun of? Probably not many.
So he was there, and we talked and it was a good time. But all I could keep thinking was how lucky that girl was. How lucky to have Hot S. loyalty and attention and affection. I'm jealous...yes I am. I go to meet with him today. Will my crush end? No time in the near future, that's for sure.
When will a guy choose me, only me like that? And will they be like Hot S. or like me. If I was a guy, I probably wouldn't date myself either.

(I thought I finally met a guy last night that was just nice and liked me. Today, all he can talk about is business. That went down the drain fast. I wish I didn't get excited for things so quickly. That would require my brain not to work though and that's not going to happen.)


My secret: I'm sacred someone will love me like that, and I won't be able to love them back. Or I'll always be looking for someone different to love.
My other secret: I'm scared no one will ever love me like that.